Cloud's Revenge
by Mako-Shadows
Summary: Cloud's tired of being picked on so he decides to get revenge! Complete and Edited. Warning majorly OOC. Rating has been upped for content. Hope you enjoy. Read and Review. We apoligise if there are any errors.
1. Cloud Thinks (Wow it's a Miracle)

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako_Shadows

Disclaimer- We unfortunately do not own any of the characters so far, they all belong to Square.

Chapter 1- Cloud Thinks (Wow it's a miracle)

~*~*~*~

One Year After Meteor

Cloud sits at his kitchen table thinking of all the horrible things that have happened to him in other fanfics. 

Clouds Thoughts: (Unlike in Aeris's head there are some)

Boy I am tired of being picked on in all the other fanfics. They make me seem like an airhead. Don't they know that that's Aeris's job not mine. (Slams hand on table for emphasis.) They all make me out to be a hair obsessed, insane freak, who cannot survive without hair gel for one hour. Sure I like my pointy spikes and they have to be just so, but I'm not obsessed, just meticulous. And another thing, I do not think I am God's gift to women, I know I am. I want Revenge!!!!!!!!

Cloud decides that getting revenge on fanfic writers is much too difficult, owing to the fact that they can delete him at any given time. So instead he sets out to get revenge on his fellow AVALANCHE and SHINRA 'friends'. And of course we cannot forget everyone's favourite megalomaniac The Great Sephiroth.

Cloud sits down with a piece of paper and a pencil to brainstorm idea's for his revenge. After some intensive thinking, (Wow you know something's wrong with Cloud when...) he finishes his revenge list and decides he needs a costume, so his friends won't recognize him. 

What Cloud's Revenge List looks like.

Cid- ?

Barret-?

You get the picture. 

Cloud: I know I'll disguise myself as Sephiroth, then no one will suspect me. MWHAHAHAHAHA.

Cloud walks into the bedroom and emerges one hour later in what he thinks is a brilliant Sephiroth costume. It in fact is not a great costume. Cloud apparently did not have any black clothes so he is wearing a neon pink dress, with a bright orange bathrobe and a blue towel for a cape. Yep in Clouds mind he was definitely Sephiroth. He has also used his gel and got rid of his spikey 'do and has it slicked back, and covered with toilet paper mache, so he has a Sephy hairdo. Unfortunately he finds he is the only one who think he looks like Sephy.

Laughing like a maniac, Cloud leaves his house to go to Cid's for his first act of REVENGE.

~*~*~*~

AN- Okay I am writing this story with my sister . We have nothing against any of the characters and are sorry if we insult them, its just to be funny.

AN- So how do you like it? R/R, please no flames, only constructive criticism.


	2. Tea Time with Cid

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako_Shadows

Disclaimer- We still don't own anything.

Chapter 2- Tea Time With Cid!

~*~*~*~

Cloud arrives in Rocket Town, in his Sephy costume. The inhabitants of this quiet little village flee before this cross-dressing maniac kills them or something. The streets soon empty of villagers, and when Cloud stopped in the middle of the town, all the locks could heard locking him out of the buildings. (For safety reasons.) Being terribly thick-witted Cloud walked up to Cid and Shera's house and tried to open the door. It would not open.

Cloud: Oh I guess the door must glued shut, maybe real Sephiroth is here! But how would glue keep him out? Well I have to get Cid, so maybe if I take off my disguise he'll let me in.

Looking around the village Cloud spots a porta-potty nearby. So he changes into his regular clothes Superman style, almost. 15 minutes later Cloud exits the porta-potty looking like his regular self except for his toilet paper mached hair. Not knowing this he confidently walked up to Cid's house and let himself in. (No one ever knocks in RPG'S) 

Cloud: They must of unglued the door once the real Sephiroth went away. But isn't dear old Sephy dead? Oh well, I'm in.

"Hey there Cid. How ya been?" Cloud asked.

"What the $@@#%# happened to your hair?" Cid exclaimed.

"Huh? My hair is the same as always." said Cloud, still not realizing his 'new do'.

"OK, well are ya trying a new $@#$%# shampoo?" Cid asked

"Why yes as a matter of fact I am.............." Cloud droned on about his new shampoo for half an hour.

"Shera get ##@#$@ @$$ in here and make some $@%%&#$@@%%$ tea!!!"

Cloud: As soon as the tea is ready I'll put the ink in his tea! Then I'll run away before he catches me. In my disguise, of course.

Cid: I always knew the ^$@^$#@ boy had a few screws loose, but I think he's lost his marbles this time.

Shera actually finished making some tea. (Big accomplishment, in the game they never get that far) Cloud generously offered to serve the tea and while Cid wasn't looking he slipped some ink into his tea and handed it to him. Once that was done Cloud jumped up twirled around and was in his disguise once again, then he ran out of the house laughing and waving his hands like a maniac. Cid just shrugged and drank his tea, thinking that the famed Cloud Strife had indeed gone insane this time. It wasn't till Shera came back in that he realised his teeth were black with ink, instead of yellow with nicotine. And he only noticed then because it is hard to ignore some one laughing their @$$ off and rolling around on the floor, pointing at you.

Cloud: ( Outside of Rocket Town) Where to next? Aha North Corel, to see my bestest bud Barret. 

Oh I can't forget these, he thought bending down and picking up Cid's lighter and stash of cigarettes and his Dukes of Hazard tapes. He put them into a magical hold-all bag he had bought from a salesperson named Pikachu. MWHA HAHAHAHAH HAHA AHA HAH AHAH HAAAA!!!!

Cid: I'll think I'll have a ciggy now. To calm me down after that ^$$@$##!^(*)(&*&%^%$ idiot Cloud inked my teeth. 

Reaching for his pack, Cid realized it was no longer there, neither were his lighter or his stash. Still fairly calm, but suffering from withdrawal Cid headed into the living room to substitute his nicotine addiction for his Dukes of Hazard addiction. Upon arriving in his living room Cid discovered that all his Dukes of Hazard tapes were gone, and there was only one suspect.

"Cloud I'm gonna skewer your no good spikey headed @$$."

"@%%#^%%*$@ &$^ *&% &$@$#& ^$%$@&)(&(*)$ %^%@c *^(*$ (*^^* DAMMIT, HE'S GONNA GET IT!! NO ONE TAKES AWAY MY CIGGYS OR DUKES OF HAZARD AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"

Cloud is heading of in the direction of Corel and only hears the last part.

Cloud: Boy I'm glad Cid doesn't know it was me. My disguise is darn good. Well I better mosey on, if I want to get to Corel anytime soon. 

Cloud continues walking snickering to himself about the prank he pulled on Cid. Not realizing that Cid had a far worse fate in store for him than inked teeth.

~*~*~*~

AN- We're sorry if the Title or Content is similar to anyone else's. We don't mean it to be the same. Sorry for spelling and especially grammar errors ( I suck at grammar) Oh and for the point of this fanfic Sephiroth and Aeris are visiting from the Lifestream. Go Figure.

AN- So Cloud's gotten Cid and now Cid's gonna get him. Never get between Cid and his addictions. 


	3. Want a FLOWER?

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako_Shadows

Chapter 3- Want a Flower?

~*~*~*~

Once again we join our 'hero' in his most brilliant disguise to date. Cloud is on his merry way to get revenge on Barret. The constant "Spikey assed foo'" was getting to him. So our fake Sephy- roth was merrily walking on his way to Corel. Yes, Cloud is still wearing his orange, pink and blue disguise, with toilet paper mached hair.

Cloud: Heh, heh Barret will think it is Sephiroth visiting and be extra nice, so he doesn't get sliced and diced. He he, I rhymed. Now what will I do to him? I know I'll ink his teeth. Now that sounds familiar. (Cloud thinks furiously for a minute, till his head started to hurt with the effort) Oh yeah, I pulled that on Cid, HA HA HA HA HA. Just one of many examples of my genius. Good thing I pulled that on Cid 'cause I don't think Barret drinks tea.

Knock, Knock...

"Oh, hello there Cloud, uh are ya okay foo'?" (Guess who said that! Ya have three chances)

"Uh.. I.. uh.. am Sephiroth, not Cloud. SEPHIROTH MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

"Uh.. o-ka-y, come.. on.. in.. Cl- uh.. Sephiroth" Barret said looking at Cloud like he was a toilet about to explode.

Barret: Cloud's really gone nuts this time. Spike has gone Coo-Coo, missed the train, never came back from lunch. Or maybe Vincent dared him to do this. Or maybe he's just a Sephiroth groupie. Wait this is Spike! He's always been a Sephiroth groupie.

"Uh.. so Sephiroth why did you come here, to visit?"

"To get REVENGE!!! Uh.. um... I mean.. I came to re-enact uh.. a.. the A-Team Show.. Yeah that's what I came for."

Cloud: Woosh that was close. I almost told him I came to get revenge. (Ding Dong. Cloud's brain is gone.)

"OH, OH, OH GREAT!" Barret screamed jumping up and down like Marlene at Christmas or when Barney came on, "I'll be Mr. T, and your be that little guy, ya know that little dude, the little foo' You know, the guy plays Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica."

"NO"

"Ya foo'"

"No"

"Ya" 

"No"

2 HOURS LATER

"Cl- err... Seph.. why did ya come here again, foo' ?"

Cloud: OH-NO, I almost forgot about my revenge! MUST GET REVENGE! MUST! REVENGE! MUST! REVENGE! NOW!!!!!

Cloud's eyes started to glow Vinnie red as he quick as the Easter Chicken pulled out Barret's gun-arm and replaces with a plastic hand holding mustard yellow flowers. Then quick as the Easter Chicken, Cloud ran towards the Gold Saucer. Barret stood there dumbfounded and angry (Does he stand any other way?) when he looked for a different gun-arm to replace the hand. Unfortunately like Cid, Barret discovers all his gun-arms missing as well as his prized collection of A-TEAM action figures.

Outraged Barret runs out of his house, and shakes his flower hand in the direction Cloud went. For each shake of the hand, the flower hand said " Want a FLOWER?"

PHS rings...

"Hello, this is Cid. DID THAT ^&^#%$^%#^%*& LITTLE SPIKEY @$$ED &%$%@^% PUNK GET YA TOO! WE NEED %$@@^&&#%$^%#@%$*)(& REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

~*~*~*~

AN- I want to thank everyone who reviewed, especially DarkShinigami, and Windra. Oh yeah don't worry Sephy will see Cloud in his 'disguise'.

AN- POOR CLOUD! He is really doing himself in. Digging his grave, by the end it'll probably be more than six feet deep.


	4. Attack of the Idiot!

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako_Shadows

Disclaimer- I do not own FFVII or Dukes of Hazard, or the A-TEAM.

Chapter #4- Attack of the Idiot!

~*~*~*~

The Gold Saucer the perfect place to pull a prank, or the perfect place to get one pulled on you. Cloud still hasn't realized how crappy his 'disguise' is and that no one believes he is Sephiroth. The poor entrance person was scared speechless when the planet saving AVALANCHE leader walked up and demanded to be let in for free because he was Sephiroth. Well the poor chit just stood the and let Cloud waltz on in, and I mean he waltzed (As in ballroom danced.) into the Gold Saucer. As soon as that freak, was outta sight she called up Dio, and demanded why he ever let a mentality unstable toilet paper mached blond idiot like that one out of prison.

Cloud in the meantime was waltzing into the main station, to music only he could hear. Thank God, by the way he was dancing the music had to pretty stupid. Cloud finally stopped dancing a few minutes later, which was none to soon for the other patrons of the Gold Saucer who had had their feet trodden on be our dear friend with two left feet and no sense of rhythm. (I sympathize with Cloud here, I could not dance to save my life) 

Cloud: Hmm... I am at the Gold Saucer eh? Well now that I am here I might as well get Cait Sith!! That rotten, double crossing no good spy. Selling us out to the enemy. I would never to that! Never me! (Yeah right Cloud you betrayed the group to Sephy and Jenova, more times than Reeve) Now what to do to the Cat, I can't poke him, even though he does look like the Pilsbury Dough Boy. Ya know I remember Cait telling me that one of those fat yellow chocobo things had a crush on him... Well I guess I just visit the Chocobo stables...

Chocobo Stables.

" Oh Hi there Mr. Cloud are ya gonna race Warky today?" a stable boy asked.

"Huh.. Uh.. I'm not Cloud... Can ya guess who I am?"

"Uh.. you're... umm.."

"I'll give you a hint. I am evil and I tried to kill you! Muwhahahaha."

"AHHHHHHH!!! THE BOGIE MONSTER!!! RUN!! RUN FOR LIFE!!! ATTACK OF THE MONSTER UNDER YOUR BED!!! MMMOOOOOOMMMMYYY!!!!!" the stable boy screamed hysterically, running away for his mommy.

"AHH!!! MONSTER!!! TIFA SAVE ME!!!" Cloud screamed before remembering that he was the monster.

Cloud: Oh well. Now I can those feathers.

"Hey there, Cloudy-boy, how would you like your fortune told?"

"I AM SEPHIROTH. S-E-F-ER-R-OTH! GOT IT!!" (Cloud can't spell. It figures.)

"Uhh.. Okie-day. Free fortune for my mistake buddy" Insert Cait Sith doing his dance thing to get the fortune. "Uhh.. here is your fortune- All your plans will come true, though you will pay in the end.- heh heh guess that means your going to destroy the world eh? Sephy"

"No it means I am going to tar and feather you. So that that chocobo thing can ask ya out."

"No ANYTHING but that. I hate Chica the Chocobo!! Noooooo!!!"

"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Cloud leaves the Gold Saucer, the place where dreams come true for the Shinra Mansion. It seems that he has in for Vincent next. GASP!! Could he be thinking of making Vincent wear something colourful and fashionable!! The HORROR!! (Meanwhile in the Gold Saucer, Cait is now covered with yellow feathers and being chased by Chica. It appears he said he would marry her if he ever turned into a Chocobo.) 

~*~*~*~

AN- I know the last chapter sucked, this chapter sucks too, but I am a very serious person trying to be funny, and my sister is away, and no one gets my jokes!!! My sister went away so I had to write the last one and this one by myself. Stupid little twelve year old. I think I might cry. Forgive me for using eh, a lot, I am Canadian and it's a habit. 

Veemongal- I am really sorry, I didn't want Cloud to be dumb. It just happened, I mean he is so easy to put in the role of an idiot. Oh and in the American version of the game he says 'mosey' before the go to beat Sephy, but Cid gets mad at him, 'cause its a wimpy word or somethin'. 


	5. Everybody has secrets, right?

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- I own nothing but my almost non-existent plot.

Chapter 5- Everybody has secrets, right?

~*~*~*~

Cloud... errr.. Sephiroth is on his merry way to Nibelheim to visit everyone's favourite gun toting vampire. Cloud being the brainless idiot he is so often made out to be plans to try and trick Vincent into drinking Ketchup by pretending it is blood. Now we all know that Vincent isn't vampire but Cloud unfortunately doesn't. I think we'll chalk this up to that fact that he is blond, and according to popular stereotypes, blond are airheads. (We won't say anything about real life blonds.) 

Cloud skips right into Nibelheim and promptly trips over a pebble, well actually it was small enough to be called a grain of sand. But to Cloud it was a boulder. After yelling, screaming, and taking a tantrum, which attracted the attention of most of the village. Cloud finally decided that they hadn't put a boulder the size of meteor in front of him on purpose, it was there to trip someone else like Vincent, and he had unfortunately got in its way. He apologized to the mini meteor and wished it luck on tripping Vincent, and continued on his merry way.

At Shinra Mansion. 

"You who, Vincent! Are you home?"

"No, I am not home."

"Oh, okay then I'll come back later when you are." Cloud begins to walk away leaving the front door open. "....Hey Vince, if you're not home, who spoke to me." A stroke of sheer brilliance on Cloud's part.

"Uhhh............ me....."

"WOHOOOOOOOOO!! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!"

In the basement of the Shinra mansion Cloud walks down to find Vincent playing with... No it couldn't be.. Not Vincent... he was playing with BARBIES.!! OH THE HORROR!! Cloud immediately faints. He may be kinda dumb but he hasn't been corrupted yet!

"Vincent, were those what I think they were?" Cloud asked coming around.

"Err.. yes they were.. it gets pretty lonely here and the seem so happy on TV."

This of course proved to much for Cloud. (THUNK.)

Coming to for a third time, Cloud sees Vincent playing with his Barbies. The silent man looks at him and holds out a doll. Cloud reluctantly takes the doll and they start to play. Four hours later the coffin room is covered with Barbie stuff (shudder) and the two grown men are fighting over who gets a pair of pink Barbie shoes. Both men had red around their mouths and an empty Ketchup bottle told its own story.

Vincent "You won't tell right Cloud. I mean everybody has secrets, right?"

~*~*~*~

AN- Sorry it took so long but I kinda got sidetracked. Oh the next chapter is going to be about how Barret and Cid plan revenge. Well I think it will be. 


	6. This was supposed to be a #$@^%#$^ undis...

Cloud's Revenge 

by Mako-Shadows

Chapter #6- This was supposed to be a #@!$%^#&@*$ undisclosed location!

~*~*~*~

Cid and Barret are in a cave near.. Gong- nowhere. It is a secret hidden cave which nobody knows about. They have decided to meet here to plan their revenge on our dearest Sephy- err.. Cloudy-boy. He did some unspeakable acts, taking cigarettes, Dukes of Hazard tapes, A-TEAM tapes, and what not. Needless to say he's dug a grave 12 000 feet deep.

"Alright foo' what we gonna do to Spike?" Barret asked.

"Ahh... That's just it, he's gonna do it to himself. We'll set him up but he'll do it. That good for nothing #%@&*^% boy!" Cid cursed.

"What are we gonna do foo'"

"Come here and I tell you idiot." Cid and Barret huddle together and plan whatever they have in store for our hero. Just as they were wrapping up in pops Cait Sith.

"How in blue blazing hell did you find this place?" Cid screeched.

"I am a spy and I need someplace to hide from a stupid choco-person." Cait told them.

"Let me guess Cloud?"

"Yeah it was him that stupid idiot said he was Sephiroth and he couldn't even spell the name right!" Cait Sith complained.

"Yeah, that's Spikey for ya, do you want in in our plan to get him foo'?"

"Count me in buddy." Cid and Barret whisper there plan to Cait when they were once again rudely interrupted by Vincent. Vincent came in to the cave looking like shit, well more than usual anyway.

"What he do to you buddy?" Cait asked kindly.

"He knows I play Barbies!" Vincent sobbed collapsing onto his knees and crying like a baby. The other looked at him with those patented who is this freak look and slowly backed away.

"You play with BARBIES!!!!" Cait screeched. Vincent nodded wiping crocodile tears from his face.

"Geez... Guys at least we aren't that pathetic." Cait said. Vincent turned into Chaos and started to chase Cait around the cave.

"$^%$$ THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A $#%#$&*&$@ UNDISCLOSED LOCATION!!!!!" Cid screamed.

~*~*~*~

AN- That's all for now. Next time Yuffie loses her marbles err... materia 


	7. Yuffie Loses her Marbles! Err... Materia...

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Chapter 7- Yuffie Loses her Marbles! Err... Materia

Disclaimer- I do not own Pikachu the Pokemon, I do however own Pikachu the cat. He is my grey pike striped cat and he's really dumb. He has the cartoon blank look down pat.

~*~*~*~

Cloud walks into the resort town of Wutai. If anything it is more cheesy than he remembers. Cloud decided that he needed to get revenge on one of the girls he journeyed with, so he decided to get the little tomboy Yuffie. Still in his ridiculous disguise he walks up to her door and knocks. Cloud is startled out of his wits (the little he has) when a cat answered the door. He knocked on her cat house and not her real house.

Cloud: What Yuffie turned into a cat!? Cloud draws a blank on why Yuffie turned into a cat. The cat Pikachu enters and draws a blank, no wait he is a blank. Cloud looks at Pikachu, Pikachu looks Cloud. They enter a blanking contest (staring contest) after a few minutes Yuffie runs into Cloud therefore Pikachu wins the contest, and does a victory jig.

"Why Sephiroth, I didn't know you were here." Yuffie exclaimed turning pink.

Cloud blanks wondering who the hell she's talking to, then he remembers that he is supposed to be The Great and Evil Megalomaniac Sehphiroth.

"Why Yuffie I am here to play hide and go seek. I'll hide and you seek" Cloud says grinning evilly (He thinks so at least)

Cloud runs off to hide in Yuffie's Materia Room. His prank on Yuffie is to dump water on her head using the old bucket above the door thing. (Cloud isn't very original) After he sets up his most unoriginal prank he looks around at the room. He sees Yuffie's materia and decides he better take them so she doesn't bolt 3 him after she gets wet. Cloud hurries around the room stealing materia and putting in his sack with the Dukes of Hazard tapes, cigarettes, gun-arms, A-TEAM action figures, barbie dolls, MEGAPHONES. Little did he know that Pikachu jumped in his sack to play with the barbie dolls and A-TEAM action figures, and he smoked a ciggy. Cloud not being as dumb as usual replaced the materia with his prised collection of marbles.

Cloud hefts his sack and yells to Yuffie 'stole your materia bye!' and runs to the cave of the coast of Wutai. Inside that cave later that night we see a man(Cloud) and a pike striped grey cat (Pikachu) playing marbles with materia and smoking ciggys by the dozen.

~*~*~*~

AN- And that is that chapter. 


	8. Tifa loses her Tities

Cloud's Revenge!

Chapter 8- Tifa Loses her Titties

~*~*~*~

Cloud Strife our revenge seeking, unfortunately stupid hero. (He got hit on to many times on the head by Sephiroth.) Has decided that Tifa's annoying worrying has gotten to him. She apparently goes on and on about how she isn't sure if guys find her attractive enough. So to solve everyone's wondering as to whether or not Tifa's tits are real our Hero is going to steal her silicon pads that make the double D cup that everyone loves and loves to hate. Bet you didn't know that she is really an insie weinsie A cup. 

"Knock! Knock! Is anyone home!" Cloud shouted at Nibelhiem's well.

"No one's home." A voice replied.

"Oh okay then I'll go to Tifa's to see Tifa."

"Alrighty then you lame brain, spikey headed noodle legged biped." The voice replied.

"Knock! Knock! Is Tifa home!" Cloud shouted a door which opened to reveal Tifa's bountiful breasts.

"Why hello there Tifa and my little friends." Cloud said to Tifa and her tits.

"Oh hi Cloud, It so great of you to drop by." Tifa squealed hugging him. His face was mashed against two silicon cushions.

"Nice to see you three too! I mean nice to see you two too! Or I don't know what I mean." A blushing hero mumbled into silicon.

"Come on in. I was just going to take a shower but... I'll have a few drinks with you first." Tifa told him.

Cloud followed Tifa into her house which she had turned into a bar after Meteor failed to hit and kill everybody, or melt plastic. So they went up to her bar and got rip roaring drunk. Just kidding they only got a little drunk. Being saviours of the world means that they can really hold they liquor, even our Canadian liquor. Soon Tifa decided that she really had better take a shower, since she had been rolling in the mud all day. Well it mighta've happened.

Cloud listened until he heard Tifa singing in the shower. Oh course who couldn't hear that god awful screech. Then he quiet as a moose and quick as an elephant snuck upstairs. He carefully opened the bathroom door and slithered across the floor to where Tifa's silicon pads were sitting. He carefully put them in a box after he had stared at them for awhile. Then quick as a bunny he ran downstairs and out the door. He forgot to shut the bathroom door. Tifa heard him looked out of her shower and screamed in horror. You know why. 

She then ran out of the bathroom regardless of her state of dress, or rather undress to chase after Cloud. Cloud was climbing up the well. When he tried to climb into it though he stopped by a furry paw.

"Who do you tink you are!" A squeaky voice shouted.

"I need to hid from Tifa. Let me in!" Cloud demanded of the little furball. The orange tabby dressed in boots and a white peasant shirt, started to push out of the well.

"Now who do you think you are?" Cloud asked.

"Lonesome's the name, insultings the game, or pranking depends on the players."

"Really well I could use you help." Cloud said and the two of them sat in the well in knee high water and discussed their partnership until the wolf whistles and cat calls drove Tifa who is now an A-cup inside to hide in shame. Needless to say the hard hitting bar hostess had a number of different torture techniques in store for Cloud if she ever got a hold of his scrawny neck.

  
~*~*~*~

AN- Next chapter Aeris has a gambling problem and maybe a whoring problem, tell which do you want more. 


	9. Help Stop Abuse to Animals!

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- We don't own Dragonlance either.

Chapter 9- Help Stop Cruelty to Animals

~*~*~*~

Cloud, Pikachu the Cat (after Cloud released him from the bag he was stuffed in ), and Lonesome were lost. They were on their way to Cosmo Canyon to pull a prank on Nanaki, but they were lost. So they sat there leaning against a sign that said Cosmo Canyon that way, wondering how to get to Cosmo Canyon. Being blond and idiots and not necessarily literate they didn't know they were close to their objective. 

"Oh no, we're lost how can I get revenge on Red 212 or whatever number?" Cloud bemoaned.

"Don't worry my favourite spikey blond Cloud." Lonesome started, "I happen to have a solution to this most difficult problem, if only I could remember how it went. Anyways my cousin Tasslehoff or was it Uncle Trapspringer once told me that if you're lost keep walking till you're found, or was it don't go walking because you'll get lost you stupid twit. Though why they thought I was a pregnant goldfish I don't know." Lonesome babbled on, checking to make sure he wasn't a goldfish. While Cloud and Pikachu wondered why this deluded house pet thought he was related to characters from the almighty Dragonlance novels. "Anyways did I ever tell you about the time I was lost and a crazy moogle told me to keep walking in one direction I would find the Golden Saucer. Well-"

"That's brilliant. It's probably why I the greatest Pikachu thought of it. If we keep walking this way," he said pointing, "we'll get to the Gold Saucer sometime."

The small troupe walked off into the sunset, towards a place where dreams were made, or rather broken because everyone left there broke.

A long sometime later.

"Let us in!" Cloud whined still in his ridiculous costume with the even more ridiculous cats standing behind him.

"No pets allowed." The ticket person said. (I'm not if its a chicky or dude) 

"They're not pets. Look that way there's a runaway chocobo herd." Cloud said distracting the 'person' while Loney and Pikki snuck in. When 'it' turned around the group had disappeared. 'It' just shook 'its' head and wondered why Dio had released that blond maniac upon the world after he had been safely contained. What this person didn't know was that an another group was just arriving that would leave 'it' more confused than ever.

"We are here because it has come to our attention that a hideous case of animal abuse is hidden within your walls." A group of angry animal lovers huffed.

"Oh no not more chocobo lovers!" The ticket person said.

"No, this has to do with a certain blond."

"I swear we had no idea he was being mean to those animals."

"It's those animals we are here to arrest for endangering a member of the endangered species of really dumb blonds who saved the world."

"Umm... Just go in." The ticket person said confused and wondering where the overload of insanity came from. 'It' had hoped that Sephiroth's condition was not catching.

~*~*~*~

AN- That's all for now folks. Sorry it sucks but... the next chapter will be better and won't be so long in the coming. 


	10. Ack! Forgot what it's Called

Clouds Revenge 

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- We own nothing except our sad plot.

Chapter Ten: Arrests, Aeris and the Alphabet

~*~*~*~

The animal rights activists stormed into the Golden Saucer and then got promptly lost trying to figure out which event a really dumb blond who saved the world would go to first. Eventually they decided on the one where you acted in the play. It was likely he would do that again considering how much he enjoyed. Boy sometimes I wonder who is the dumb blond.

Cloud in the meantime was in the Wonder Square. He, Pikachu the cat, and Lonesome had just located the object of their next prank. In their heads they had a cool sight thingy that zoomed in on her and shows them her stats. Naive, innocent and dead. Unfortunately right now she was looking like none of that. She was dressed in an outfit skimpier than Tifa's and Scarlet's and she was playing the slots like there was no tomorrow. Her skin was pasty and sallow and her make-up did nothing to improve her looks. 

Cloud took one look at her yelped and jumped into Pikachu's arms. They looked like Scooby and Shaggy shaking and shivering like that. 

"Boy being dead really does nothing for your looks eh?" Lonesome commented, " I'm glad I'm not dead, even though it sounds pretty interesting I don't want to look like her. I thought you said she was pretty. Cloud if that's your idea of pretty, I'll die if you ever show my something ugly."

"Oh no what are we going to do now? Our prank won't work because she's already too ugly." Cloud asked twittering like an idiot. Oh wait he is an idiot.

"Umm... We could break all the slot machines." Pikers said.

"I don't know about that... Dio would kill us." Cloud said.

"He'd have to catch us first." Lonesome shouted. And before they could stop him he ran and exploded several grenades throughout the Square. Cloud and Pikachu stood bug eyed as they watched Aeris alternately screech at and come onto the little cat. Lonesome looked like all his nightmares had come true. Moving faster than a speeding bullet and superman combined Cloud and Pikachu rescued Lonesome and ran past the animal rights activists which had just entered and an amazingly angry Dio. Past the ticket person and past the lift to the Golden Saucer. Fortunately their momentum carried them far away from the golden saucer, just before Lonesome's second batch of grenades went off in the Golden Saucer blowing it sky high. Luckily no one was killed or injured since it is a family friendly fic. So we leave our 'heroes' flailing through the sky over an endless ocean. Don't worry they won't fall into it or be injured while we check and see what the others are up to.

~*~*~*~

Barret and Cid and Vincent with his Barbies, (Which he had ordered online and had delivered to the secret, which the fed-ex man had no trouble finding.) and everyone else was sitting in their secret not so secret cave in the middle of nowhere near Gongola. They were all hunched over a piece paper. It had all the abc's written on it. Now they were trying to come up with horrible things to do to Cloud one for every letter of the alphabet. So far they had A and S done. A is for sicing Aeris on him. And S is for Having Sephy dear go kung-fu on him.

"Guys I'm bored!" Vincent whined, "Wanna play barbies Yuff- Yuff?"

"Sure Vinnie! On one condition." Yuffie said evilly.

"What's that?"

"I'll tell after."

"Alright. Let's play. Does anyone else wanna play. I've got lots and lots go around."

So we leave our 'heroes' playing dolls and fighting over accessories. Oh boy what will happen next. Surely it can't get any dumber and scarier than this.

Or can it?

~*~*~*~

AN- Alright it done. Those people in the Golden Saucer are fine, except for requiring psychological help to deal with being exposed to Cloud's presence and Aeris' habits for prolonged sessions. 

AN- We have nothing against blonds. Mako is one. We just really enjoy the typical blond stereotype.


	11. Red 212 or some number

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- Like always we only own our pathetic storyline.

Chapter 11: Red 212 or some number like that

~*~*~*~

"Oh man, Pikachu I am so bored!" Cloud groaned, "We haven't pulled a prank in like 15 minutes!"

"I know, I know." Pikachu said patting Cloud on the back. How you ask? We don't know exactly how a cat pats someone on the back. We do know how they climb on someone's back but not pat.

"Oh oh lookey lookey over there what's that. It sure is shiny and bright." Lonesome exclaimed.

"Uh Lonesome that's the sun. It's always been that way, And no you cannot have it." Cloud explained though he to was fascinated by it brightness. The three looked at the sun in awe while walking and thus were ever so startled when the walked right into the Comso Canyon Candle. (The big bonfire in the middle)

"Esh! Where are we?" Cloud asked.

"I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!" Lonesome screamed.

"No you aren't." Pikachu patiently explained, "Remember this is a family friendly fic. So no one can be on fire because that isn't nice. Which is why the fire has magically turned into a giant flashlight which we are standing on."

"AHH! I'm blind!" Cloud screamed.

"No you are wearing sunglasses. Remember it's a family friendly fic." Pikachu said.

"Oh."

The three idiots got out of the fire err... flashlight and headed up to the bar. Since they had recently seen the new James Bond movie they were hopping from shadow to shadow humming the James Bond theme. 

They arrived up in the bar and who did they see drinking martini's (shaken not stirred) why Red 212 and the dun dun dun Turks! They crept closer to hear what they were saying.

"Oh man we got hide. That Cloud gone crazy. Pulling what he thinks are pranks on everybody. Last I heard the Gold Saucer had been destroyed, strangely no one was hurt though." Rude said actually speaking and not 'ellipsis-ing'

"Remember Family Friendly!" Pikachu said popping out from nowhere under the table.

Reno started to cry. Elena shuddered. And Red 212 screamed "Save us almighty Sephiroth."

Out of nowhere under the table popped the fake Sephiroth. "You rang?" He said like Lurch.

"Ah! Get away you hobo." Elena screamed.

"HOBO! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A HOBO!" The real Sephiroth said appearing behind the fake.

Cloud turned around and saw the person he was impersonating and said "Damn I'm fine!" until he realised that it was the real thing and not a mirror. Cloud then screamed like a little girl and ran and hid behind Lonesome with Pikachu.

Sephiroth went all kung-fu. And then Lonesome went all kun-fu. The two continued to all kung-fu without hitting each other. Just like in the movies they loved to watch on late-night TV. While Lonesome and Sephy were coughfightingcough Pikachu and Cloud set some patented water balloon catapults all over the room and put bright pink paint filled balloons in them. Then they grabbed Lonesome stuffed him the magic bag with Sephy sword, Rude's sunglasses, Elena's skirt, Red's tail (don't ask) and Reno's booze. 

The five stared after the idiots had left not believing that they had escaped a prank. None of them realised that they were missing anything or that if any of them moved an inch it would set of the catpults. Finally Sephy sneezed ACHOO! and everything went to hell. They were all covered with pink paint which wouldn't wash off and they realised that they were missing certain items. Reno recovered first.

"Damn your pink snot Sephy."

"It wasn't me."

And then before they all got real mad and started to swear and destroy everything and plan horrible revenge on Cloud and his accomplices Pikachu popped in.

"Remember Family Friendly. He he heh eh." He said in an annoying saleman's voice.

~*~*~*~ 

AN- And that's the end of that chapter. 


	12. Potato Cult

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- I do own a sack of potatoes but I however do not own the strange elf except in action figure form, nor do we own our recycled and remixed plot.

Chapter 12- The Death of Family Friendly

~*~*~*~

Pikachu, Lonesome and Cloud were running very fast and very far away from Sephiroth who was now bright pink and as ridiculous looking as Cloud in his fake Sephy disguise. Soon they ran into a forest and were captured by a certain race of hitherto undiscovered people in the Final Fantasy VII world. These people took him before their leader who was a strange elf dressed in green and brown (ten points to anyone who can tell me who it is).

"What are you doing in our forest?" The strange elf asked.

"I am Sephiroth and if you don't let me go I'll destroy your stupid little stack of potatoes." Cloud said. This of course got their attention and the strange elf commanded all his people to bow down before their new king and worship him so that he wouldn't destroy there nice tasty golden taters.

Cloud, Pikachu and Lonesome were very much impressed by this potato loving cult of elves. Pikachu and Lonesome were a bit hungry so they demanded some raw food. The strange elf went on to describe the wonderful taste of boiled potatoes (Yeah like that tastes great. What is he smoking? No wait what am I smoking writing that potatoes taste good. I need help serious medical help.)

"Even you can't say no to that." The strange elf said.

"Yes we can." Pikki and Loney said at the same time to the potato cult. "Give to us raw and wriggling..." The cats went on going all gollum.

Later that night the three idiots watched as the Elven potato cult did their sacred potato dance. Wearing potato sacks, with potato necklaces and potato morocco's etc etc. Sephiroth who had finally got up enough nerve to enter the dark and scary forest of the Elven potato cult saw this dance and ran screaming like a girl or like Pippin with the firecracker out of the forest. The Elven potato cult led by the strange elf in green and brown took Sephy's screaming as a sign from the potato gods that they had chosen wisely their new kings of potatoes. Who from then on would order them to do whatever they pleased so long as they let them eat potatoes and there were plenty of potatoes to eat even for elves which had developed hobbit sized appetites for potatoes.

~*~*~*~

AN- Well we have no idea where this one came from. We have given you plenty of hints about the origins of the strange elf. Do not fear we adore the elf and his companions and hope to whatever gods there are that there is no such thing as a potato cult. 


	13. Cloud Shows some Intelligence

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- We own our plot, well sometimes but not anything else. Once my sister traded it for a baloney sandwich

Chapter 13- In Which Cloud is Intelligent!

~*~*~*~

Legolas and his elves keep our heroes well fed in the forest for a couple weeks while he sent out people to gather news. Soon though they returned.

"What news of the outside world?" Lonesome asked.

"We have heard that Sephy is deathly afraid of this forest and our potato cult." An elf replied.

"Ahh..." Cloud said trailing off.

"We'll have to think about this." Pikachu said. He had been among the potato cult so long that he had lost his habit of continually saying family friendly. It may be that he stopped because the checks just weren't reaching him the potato cult forest. As no postman would enter the dreaded potato cult forest.

"Oh and there is a group of people who are planning to kill you all." The elf said.

"Oh that's nice. Killing us are they. Well if I didn't know better I'd say they wanted us dead." Lonesome said.

"You dingcat I mean dingbat they do want us dead if they want to kill us. Ugh I am surrounded by idiots" Pikachu muttered. 

That night Legolas, Pikachu, Lonesome and Cloud discussed what they would do about the group of maniac killers. Legolas said from the outset that they would not help them because they couldn't leave the potato cult forest. Cloud knew that he and the others would not get far without an armed escort of potato cult members. So he thought and he thought and eventually it hurt. But he did manage to find a way to get the potato to guard him. He told Legolas that not only did the group of maniac killers want to kill the potato cults leaders they also wanted to destroy all potatoes. Legolas was horrified and let out a girly scream.

The next day the potato cult of elves went to war against all who opposed their most glorious and intelligent leaders and wanted to destroy potatoes. Aeris who had been lurking around the edges of the forest trying to lure our favourite elf out, so she could tie him up and keep him, ran screaming when she heard the potato cult was leaving the forest.

~*~*~*~

Secret not so Secret Cave (or the Wannabe Secret Cave)

The group is sitting throughout the cave playing barbies. Vincent had went out and bought a million more online and had them fed-exed to the Secret not so Secret Cave. The Fed ex person found it without difficulty again which had Cid swearing blue murder.

Just then Aeris popped into the cave. "Guys, gosh is was hard to find the Secret not so Secret Cave." They had given Aeris a detailed map of how to find it. "The potato cult has left the forest. And Cloud is leading them. Oh and Sephy he's dressed in your clothes."

"Dressed in my clothes." Sephy said running from the Wannabe Secret cave to see if Cloud really was wearing his clothes. You'd think he'd know better than to listen to Aeris.

~*~*~*~

AN- Ten points to MoMo- ChAn. Will Sephy think Cloud is really wearing his clothes? Will the potato be destroyed? Will Legolas be captured by Aeris? Will Relena make a guest appearance? Find out on Gundam Wing episode 14 Relena's Revenge. I mean Cloud's Revenge episode 14 Sephy Gets a Clue!


	14. Sephy gets a Clue!

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Chapter 14- Sephy Gets a Clue!

~*~*~*~

Sephy was slowly sneaking up on the Potato cult army which was advancing towards the secret-not-so-secret cave. From his vantage point he saw that Cloud was in fact not wearing his clothes... I mean he was not wearing Sephy's clothes. (Don't think like that you sick sick people. This is not a naked Cloud story. So sorry.) 

Sephy thought hard for a moment, he had to find the perfect punishment for Cloud. No one and I do mean no one got away with impersonating The Great Sephiroth. As Sephy was still a bit afraid of the Potato cult he decided to send one of the most feared things in the World of Fandoms... Dun dun dun... A fangirl! Out of Sephy's magical bottomless bag, which he had bought from a cat named Pikachu, Sephy pulled a safe. Sephy took a quick look around before opening the safe. Inside the safe was a super secret summon materia created by Hojo. It was a fangirl summon.

Sephy put the materia into a slot on his bangle and began the summon spell. As the magic cleared a silhouette could be seen. Sephy shuddered a bit and thought about whether or not he was doing the right thing releasing a fangirl on the unsuspecting world, then he decided that since he was evil it was okay. At least that was what they said at the last Evil Maniac Meeting. 

"Summon Monster, I mean umm... Actually I don't know what I mean. What's your name?" Sephy asked scratching his head in a Duo like fashion.

"My name is Angel Wolf Rinny." The shadowy silhouette said.

"Alright Angel Wolf Whatever," Sephy began, " I command you to go and punish Cloud for impersonating me."

Sephy watched as the fangirl skulked away.

~*~*~*~

Meanwhile in the Potato cult army. Cloud was advising Lego as how to go about getting revenge on his companions from saving the world, who didn't treat you with the respect due to a person of you perfection. Lego was listening intently, as he, Merry and Pippin had discussed getting revenge on everyone before he had left to lie low running a potato cult on another world until the aftermath of a very good prank subsided. Merry and Pippin were awaiting his return in the pranking cave.

Lego took a look around at his surroundings and his elf-eyes caught something. Even at the distance he knew what it was and it filled him with fear. 

~*~*~*~

AN- And that is that chapter. Sorry it took so long. Anyway next chapter we find out what Lego saw. Was it Relena? Was it Aeris? Or was it Angel Wolf Rinny? 


	15. AVALANCHE's Revenge

Cloud's Revenge

by Mako-Shadows

Chapter 15: Avalanche's Revenge 

~*~*~*~

Lego's elf-eyes saw something that filled him with fear in the distance. Being an extremely attractive Elf Prince he had dealt with this particular threat before. The best course of action as near as he had determined was to turn tail and run, praying to whatever you believed in that your pursuer was distracted before you ran out of breath or running room. The Elf Prince decided that this was a very good time to return to Middle-earth and join up with Merry and Pippin before exacting their revenge. Now all he had to do was get away without arousing undue suspicion.

"So Lego like I was saying you should go and get revenge on your companions. It sure is a great way to relieve stress." Cloud said. Lego thanked his lucky stars that he had found an opening before the Fangirl got any closer.

"Yes... I... think... that is... good idea... I... leave now." Lego said not being very articulate, as he was scared silly. He then turned tail and ran forgetting his Potato cult army. They obviously weren't very good elves if they had believed him when he said potatoes were the divine instrument of an all powerful set of gods. Yeesh, now he had an idea of why other races called elves pansies.

Cloud watched Lego run off with a mixture of pride and confusion. Pride because he had inspired someone to exact revenge on companions who failed to realise their true brilliance and confusion because he wasn't quite sure why Lego had run off so fast. Maybe he was just really inspired, Cloud thought, yeah that had to be it. 

Two heads poked out his magical hold-all bag. Cloud had forgotten he had put his kitty pals in there. "Oh hi Pikachu, Lonesome. Lego ran off to get revenge on his friends. Ain't that just the coolest thing. To think that I inspired that kind of enthusiasm for revenge." Cloud continued to babble on and on and on. His kitty-pals listening to the blond idiot in a way that only other idiots could.

~*~*~*~

Meanwhile Aeris was outside the secret-not-so-secret-cave once again. She had had to go to bathroom and had got lost not two feet from the entrance. It took her two hours to 'find' the entrance. Just after she had re-entered Sephy came bursting into the cave babbling incoherently. Finally after some time they were finally able to determine what he was talking about. There was, directly after they had made sense of it, a long moment of shocked silence. It was finally broken by Reno.

"What the hell you do that for!?" He shouted as he slapped Sephy upside the head, forgetting for a moment that Sephy was a lot more powerful than him. But of course only for a moment as Sephy had then the nonchalantly fried him with a bolt 3.

~*~*~*~

So one crispy Reno later, Cloud was still extolling on his own brilliance and thus failed to notice Sephy's summon stealthily sneaking up to behind him. So he was taken completely by surprise when Angel Wolf Rinny grabbed him and began to drag him off. Cloud dropped his magical hold-all bag when he saw just what had captured him. On the hilltop above the Potato Cult Army the victims of Cloud's pranks stood, watching. In a desperate move he screamed at the top of his lungs for help. The others pretended that Cloud had told them he was going on a trip and wished him a nice trip in return. Pikachu and Lonesome were torn between the desire to help their bestest buddy Cloud and a concern for their own skin. In the end their skin won out and they slowly dragged the magical hold-all bag to the others, fully prepared to beg for mercy. Instead of begging for mercy all they had to do was give everyone a magical hold-all bag and their stuff back. Tifa was ever so relieved as she was now able to fit into her clothes again. Of course Yuffie made them take Cloud's marble collection of her hands. She didn't have room for it and her materia collection.

~*~*~*~

Later that night in the secret-not-so-secret-cave Tifa asked a question.

"So do you think we should rescue Cloud?"

The group including a crispy Reno, Pikachu and Lonesome just shrugged and went back to playing Barbies.

THE END.

~*~*~*~

AN- This is the end. I'm going now. And I wish you all a very fond farewell. Good-bye. Or is it? I will add an epilogue in which Cloud is rescued, if anyone so desired. Also I would like thank you all for you reviews and I was wondering if anyone thinks I should have a LOTR spinoff in which Lego, Pip, and Merry get revenge on everyone in middle-earth. Tell me what you think. Read and Review.


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